Hi everyone!! Sad (and happy) to annouce that my blog is going to be moving to a new host site and domain.
I'm pretty much doing this because blogger won't allow be to use my gmail e-mail account as a primary account. The e-mail I use was through school and will be deleting soon. Cue depression about being a graduate! :(
Not to worry, I've moved all my subscriptions over, so I won't lose touch with any of you wonderful bloggers!
Also, Wordpress just seems more fun and user friendly! So, come find me!
mecarta.wordpress.com
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Sometimes All It Takes...
...is one simple little statement to inspire you. And to cause you to be completely honest with yourself and your feelings. I've been completely unmotivated to blog lately and, honestly, completely unmotivated to do much of anything. There's no real reason. I think I'm just in a "trying to find my way" stage again, and sometimes when that happens all I want to do is sit in my bed and eat ice cream while looking up various things on the internet; some of which are completely and utterly useless. I have most definitely not been entirely honest with myself or others regarding my emotions either.
I've been trying really hard to stick to my exercises and stretching and I was doing well for about a week and a half, I think because I was noticing even the smallest amount of improvement (aka being HAPPY that I was sticking to it), but then things started to change.
On Sunday afternoon, I finally secured my registration in the Columbia Autumn Classic Road Race to benefit Camp Care. This was the first 5k I did last year, and my first one ever, so there was no way I was not going to race it again. It's been stressing me out a lot though since I registered, and I think that's playing a role in all of this. My loyal readers will notice I never did a true recap of the Hope is Coming 5k in August. That's because it was miserable. To say the least. My leg's cramped within the first mile, it was way hotter than expected, and my time was so far off of my goal. Did I finish? Yes. Was I happy about it or proud of myself? No way in Hell. Here's the thing. The course was an out and back, so as I was approaching Mile 1, I saw people already on their way back--finishing in 22 minutes, 30 minutes, 45 minutes. As each person passed me going the opposite direction and as each foot pounded down on the pavement, it felt like a painful reminder of the differences I face, something I so often, and so effectively, shove out of my mind.
So, you know what, I'll admit it. I'm terrified of this race on the 24th. I'm terrified that I will cramp up again and my body will reject EVERYTHING that my brain is asking it to accomplish. I am terrified that I will go in with a goal to do better that last year, and that belief in myself and mental determination won't be enough. I'm terrified that I am looked at as "the girl with CP" who does these 5k just so I can feel good about myself or so that I can gain some attention in the "able-bodied" world.
But most importantly, I'm terrified that I set myself up for failure by putting myself in these situations. Failure is my comfort zone. Quitting and having people quit on me is my comfort zone. Having to defend myself against labels and the "you can't do thats" is my comfort zone. And I don't want this to be that. I'm terrified that it will.
All this being said, I'm trying so hard to not let it be that compfort zone and when I heard this quote on Grey's Anatomy tonight, it reminded me that I have to keep fighting:
"You don't find something you love that much and let it go. You hold onto it, throw yourself in deeper."
It's not so much the 5ks that I love (even though I do get runner's high and do love them), or the spinning, or the balance exercises or the stretching. It's the happiness I find in them and through them. Happiness when I show signs of improvement. Happiness when I take control of my own life. That happiness is not something I can afford to lose. So, I will continue to run (well, walk), I will continue to spin, I will continue to work on my PT, and I will continue to find my way.
I want that happiness to be my new comfort zone.
I've been trying really hard to stick to my exercises and stretching and I was doing well for about a week and a half, I think because I was noticing even the smallest amount of improvement (aka being HAPPY that I was sticking to it), but then things started to change.
On Sunday afternoon, I finally secured my registration in the Columbia Autumn Classic Road Race to benefit Camp Care. This was the first 5k I did last year, and my first one ever, so there was no way I was not going to race it again. It's been stressing me out a lot though since I registered, and I think that's playing a role in all of this. My loyal readers will notice I never did a true recap of the Hope is Coming 5k in August. That's because it was miserable. To say the least. My leg's cramped within the first mile, it was way hotter than expected, and my time was so far off of my goal. Did I finish? Yes. Was I happy about it or proud of myself? No way in Hell. Here's the thing. The course was an out and back, so as I was approaching Mile 1, I saw people already on their way back--finishing in 22 minutes, 30 minutes, 45 minutes. As each person passed me going the opposite direction and as each foot pounded down on the pavement, it felt like a painful reminder of the differences I face, something I so often, and so effectively, shove out of my mind.
So, you know what, I'll admit it. I'm terrified of this race on the 24th. I'm terrified that I will cramp up again and my body will reject EVERYTHING that my brain is asking it to accomplish. I am terrified that I will go in with a goal to do better that last year, and that belief in myself and mental determination won't be enough. I'm terrified that I am looked at as "the girl with CP" who does these 5k just so I can feel good about myself or so that I can gain some attention in the "able-bodied" world.
But most importantly, I'm terrified that I set myself up for failure by putting myself in these situations. Failure is my comfort zone. Quitting and having people quit on me is my comfort zone. Having to defend myself against labels and the "you can't do thats" is my comfort zone. And I don't want this to be that. I'm terrified that it will.
All this being said, I'm trying so hard to not let it be that compfort zone and when I heard this quote on Grey's Anatomy tonight, it reminded me that I have to keep fighting:
"You don't find something you love that much and let it go. You hold onto it, throw yourself in deeper."
It's not so much the 5ks that I love (even though I do get runner's high and do love them), or the spinning, or the balance exercises or the stretching. It's the happiness I find in them and through them. Happiness when I show signs of improvement. Happiness when I take control of my own life. That happiness is not something I can afford to lose. So, I will continue to run (well, walk), I will continue to spin, I will continue to work on my PT, and I will continue to find my way.
I want that happiness to be my new comfort zone.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
(Nearly) Wordless Weekend: Camp Care 2010
I was going to make this a wordless post completely, but couldn't really do that. I woke up thinking about how to go about writing my Camp Care post and realized writing wouldn't happen at all. There are simply no words. So I figured I'd give you all a glimpse of the amazing piece of my life that is Camp Care through the photos and memories of these wonderful, loving children! I'm sad to say that none of these photos are actually mine. Most days I forget my camera or was having too much fun to worry about pictures, but I have great friends who let me share theirs!
These children are what make Camp for me. And let me tell you, in 5 days, they heal our bodies, minds, and hearts, much more than we heal theirs. I am sure of it! The looks on there faces, like that of Dominic's, when they get to experience the freedom of water without fear, or like Bella when she got to play basketball, put life into perspective for me. Oh, and another thing, it is rare that we even know a child's diagnosis at Camp, unless a parent tells us or a therapist. That label simply doesn't matter here.
So here's a week in the life of a Camp Care Child: PT (there's no pics of that..sorry!!), Rec Time, Lake Time, and a few from the annual Talent Show!
Enjoy... :)
These children are what make Camp for me. And let me tell you, in 5 days, they heal our bodies, minds, and hearts, much more than we heal theirs. I am sure of it! The looks on there faces, like that of Dominic's, when they get to experience the freedom of water without fear, or like Bella when she got to play basketball, put life into perspective for me. Oh, and another thing, it is rare that we even know a child's diagnosis at Camp, unless a parent tells us or a therapist. That label simply doesn't matter here. I had my own expereiences at Camp too, of course, much like I blogged about last year in this post. The difference this year was that I was a Camp Care (adult) Kid myself for the morning sessions, then volunteered in the afternoon. This means I went through the 2.5 hour PT session in the morning. It. Was. Amazing. A week of free, intensive PT like I've never gotten before and will be lucky to get again. There were so many changes for me throughout the week, from things like increasing my overall body and mechanics awareness to standing longer, straighter, and more confidently to, on the last day of camp, being able to kneel and almost sit back completely on my heels. Something I don't remember ever being able to do. So, for that, I'll leave you with a few more photos...
Photo Credits: Jennifer Walts and Theresa Kaminsky. Thanks girls!
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Exercise, More Than Just Weights and Gyms
Okay, okay, I've been a bad blogger! I'm sorry! I know I have so many posts to write, including a recap of the Hope is Coming 5k and everything about Camp Care 2010. They'll come, I promise! Right now though, when I can't sleep, something else is coming to my mind...exercise.
This has been on my mind a lot lately. I've always loved exercise! Okay, maybe not loved, but it's always interested me at least. Even when it wasn't really something I was good at. And even when it was just annoying stretches, that seemed really pointless, the school PTs I had would give me. I knew there had to be some benefit. As I got older, exercise went from being more of a chore, to really becoming a hobby for me. Whether it was karate, horseback riding, spinning, lifting, and now running, I always have loved the concept of pushing my body to a point where it isn't a body with a neurological condition anymore-it's a body. Period. A body that needs to tap into it's mental strength to get through the workout.
Running, well walking, has been at the forefront of my hobbies lately as most of you know, and I've been toying with the idea of becoming more serious with it. And by serious I mean actually training for prolonged periods of time instead of the week before a race. :) I decided to google CP, exercise, runner, and blog to see what came up and came across two wonderful bloggers and their blogs: Katy over at Teen Cerebral Palsy and Greg over at The Casual Vegan. Both have CP, and both are very much into exercise. On one of Katy's posts, Greg commented with the question of how many of us are into serious exercise, so I thought I'd add my two cents.
Even though my history with exercise has been pretty much on going in some way or another for my whole 21 years, it really has begun to pick up recently and I consider it to be at an even bigger starting point right now than it ever has been.
For the past few months, after my treatments at Crossroads I've been going downstairs to work with Dan in the gym. If you're reading this, hey dude, you're famous. :) The whole concept intimidated me at first. It took me years-literally-to join a gym, and I'm still not fully comfortable doing any form of organized exercise with another person. This was going to be a whole new test for me. Sometimes even the little tasks that you wouldn't even think would be an issue for me if you knew me, like shooting a basketball, are tough. It's not something I really like to make an issue of, so letting someone who I consider my best friend see something like that was not something I was looking forward to.
Painfully long story short, thank God that Dan has this job, because it definitely helps to have someone you trust and who believes in you working with you (Side note to my new special needs parent readers: listen to your child if they tell you they don't like their PT. Chances are it's more than they just don't like the exercise itself. The relationship is THE most important factor in success!!).
Some days are harder than others, just like they would be for the average person in a workout. Some tasks are harder than others. As me to do a push-up? Done. My arms are beasts. Ask me to practice walking using only a giant physio ball as my balancing aid? I'm sweating and exhausted after 3 steps.
No matter what it is I'm working on though, that same feeling of pushing my body comes through. I have goals just like anyone else. And I need to work to make them happen. I think this has really started to hit me between Camp this year and last week's workout.
Phase One: I'll get more into this when I get the time to write a true Camp post, but one night afterward, a bunch of us decided to do a Crossfit workout (read between the lines: INSANE!). I don't really know what pushed me to want to join everyone that night, I still say it was divine intervention, but here I was in a room of people that I look up to immensely for their physical and mental strength and I was about to workout along side them. I was all set to have my own little Molly workout somewhere off to the side while they did their thing, when I was pretty much told that wasn't happening and I was doing the same workout. Okay, so I didn't do the 50 pull-ups, but that was purely for logistical reasons. I did 50 pull-downs instead. :) For the first time, I was completely comfortable and completely in this element. The mental overtook the physical and I was just pushing to get to the goal. Which happened to be girls vs. guys, so clearly I needed to do my part.
Phase Two: This week I was working with Dan and I was walking with the ball. I was getting completely exhausted super quick as usual, but I needed this week to be different. I've been selling myself so short lately with so many things and I needed to push through being tired and scared that I was going to fall any second and just keep working toward my goal literally one step at a time. For me, it's always going to be harder to push through the barrier-physical or mental-in this type of a setting because it's one-on-one. Not to mention that because I'm working on tasks that are meant to push my body and meant to help me get stronger in ways that I greatly lack due to having CP, the chance for struggle and frustration is going to be much higher. But something that I had to do this week made me realize that, that struggle and frustration is okay because it's getting me somewhere. I was standing and holding on to a set of suspended rings for balance. I was pretty nervous and probably having a little harder time than I was letting on. I for sure thought I couldn't hold myself up on my legs any longer, but probably made it at least 30 seconds longer than I was telling myself I could. Afterward I started thinking that it doesn't matter if I'm working my butt off running miles as some would, or if I'm spending that extra 30 seconds working on a balance activity. I'm still pushing my body and I'm still going to get my goals.
Finding the right balance of pushing myself and holding back was hard for me at first, and it still is. I want to treat my body just as anyone else would treat theirs, but I also have to be prepared for it sometimes to physically react differently with more fatigue and recovery time. I'm not too good at this, because it requires patience, a virtue I have yet to fully master, but I'm getting there. I'm constantly learning anytime I do any form of workout, that my body is just like everyone else's in that it's going to change from day to day and I really need to listen to it. That doesn't mean though that I give myself a free pass to just sit on the couch all day because I have CP and need to modify some things or because someone says it might not be the best idea for my body. I know my body. I will make that decision.
No, I don't know how many of us out there are into serious exercise (sorry if you were looking for that statistical answer), but I know I officially can't live without it.
Oh, and one more note to my parent readers: if your child shows any interest at all in any form of physical activity or recreation-or even if they don't-don't hesitate to get them involved!! Even if a doctor, or PT, or protective family member tells you not to. And even if it's not necessarily geared toward kids with special needs. I think sometimes it's better for it to be a more mainstream activity. They will tell you what is right for them. And it just might change their life. It changed mine!!
This has been on my mind a lot lately. I've always loved exercise! Okay, maybe not loved, but it's always interested me at least. Even when it wasn't really something I was good at. And even when it was just annoying stretches, that seemed really pointless, the school PTs I had would give me. I knew there had to be some benefit. As I got older, exercise went from being more of a chore, to really becoming a hobby for me. Whether it was karate, horseback riding, spinning, lifting, and now running, I always have loved the concept of pushing my body to a point where it isn't a body with a neurological condition anymore-it's a body. Period. A body that needs to tap into it's mental strength to get through the workout.
Running, well walking, has been at the forefront of my hobbies lately as most of you know, and I've been toying with the idea of becoming more serious with it. And by serious I mean actually training for prolonged periods of time instead of the week before a race. :) I decided to google CP, exercise, runner, and blog to see what came up and came across two wonderful bloggers and their blogs: Katy over at Teen Cerebral Palsy and Greg over at The Casual Vegan. Both have CP, and both are very much into exercise. On one of Katy's posts, Greg commented with the question of how many of us are into serious exercise, so I thought I'd add my two cents.
Even though my history with exercise has been pretty much on going in some way or another for my whole 21 years, it really has begun to pick up recently and I consider it to be at an even bigger starting point right now than it ever has been.
For the past few months, after my treatments at Crossroads I've been going downstairs to work with Dan in the gym. If you're reading this, hey dude, you're famous. :) The whole concept intimidated me at first. It took me years-literally-to join a gym, and I'm still not fully comfortable doing any form of organized exercise with another person. This was going to be a whole new test for me. Sometimes even the little tasks that you wouldn't even think would be an issue for me if you knew me, like shooting a basketball, are tough. It's not something I really like to make an issue of, so letting someone who I consider my best friend see something like that was not something I was looking forward to.
Painfully long story short, thank God that Dan has this job, because it definitely helps to have someone you trust and who believes in you working with you (Side note to my new special needs parent readers: listen to your child if they tell you they don't like their PT. Chances are it's more than they just don't like the exercise itself. The relationship is THE most important factor in success!!).
Some days are harder than others, just like they would be for the average person in a workout. Some tasks are harder than others. As me to do a push-up? Done. My arms are beasts. Ask me to practice walking using only a giant physio ball as my balancing aid? I'm sweating and exhausted after 3 steps.
No matter what it is I'm working on though, that same feeling of pushing my body comes through. I have goals just like anyone else. And I need to work to make them happen. I think this has really started to hit me between Camp this year and last week's workout.
Phase One: I'll get more into this when I get the time to write a true Camp post, but one night afterward, a bunch of us decided to do a Crossfit workout (read between the lines: INSANE!). I don't really know what pushed me to want to join everyone that night, I still say it was divine intervention, but here I was in a room of people that I look up to immensely for their physical and mental strength and I was about to workout along side them. I was all set to have my own little Molly workout somewhere off to the side while they did their thing, when I was pretty much told that wasn't happening and I was doing the same workout. Okay, so I didn't do the 50 pull-ups, but that was purely for logistical reasons. I did 50 pull-downs instead. :) For the first time, I was completely comfortable and completely in this element. The mental overtook the physical and I was just pushing to get to the goal. Which happened to be girls vs. guys, so clearly I needed to do my part.
Phase Two: This week I was working with Dan and I was walking with the ball. I was getting completely exhausted super quick as usual, but I needed this week to be different. I've been selling myself so short lately with so many things and I needed to push through being tired and scared that I was going to fall any second and just keep working toward my goal literally one step at a time. For me, it's always going to be harder to push through the barrier-physical or mental-in this type of a setting because it's one-on-one. Not to mention that because I'm working on tasks that are meant to push my body and meant to help me get stronger in ways that I greatly lack due to having CP, the chance for struggle and frustration is going to be much higher. But something that I had to do this week made me realize that, that struggle and frustration is okay because it's getting me somewhere. I was standing and holding on to a set of suspended rings for balance. I was pretty nervous and probably having a little harder time than I was letting on. I for sure thought I couldn't hold myself up on my legs any longer, but probably made it at least 30 seconds longer than I was telling myself I could. Afterward I started thinking that it doesn't matter if I'm working my butt off running miles as some would, or if I'm spending that extra 30 seconds working on a balance activity. I'm still pushing my body and I'm still going to get my goals.
Finding the right balance of pushing myself and holding back was hard for me at first, and it still is. I want to treat my body just as anyone else would treat theirs, but I also have to be prepared for it sometimes to physically react differently with more fatigue and recovery time. I'm not too good at this, because it requires patience, a virtue I have yet to fully master, but I'm getting there. I'm constantly learning anytime I do any form of workout, that my body is just like everyone else's in that it's going to change from day to day and I really need to listen to it. That doesn't mean though that I give myself a free pass to just sit on the couch all day because I have CP and need to modify some things or because someone says it might not be the best idea for my body. I know my body. I will make that decision.
No, I don't know how many of us out there are into serious exercise (sorry if you were looking for that statistical answer), but I know I officially can't live without it.
Oh, and one more note to my parent readers: if your child shows any interest at all in any form of physical activity or recreation-or even if they don't-don't hesitate to get them involved!! Even if a doctor, or PT, or protective family member tells you not to. And even if it's not necessarily geared toward kids with special needs. I think sometimes it's better for it to be a more mainstream activity. They will tell you what is right for them. And it just might change their life. It changed mine!!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Less Than 48 hours...5k playlist!!
With less than 48 hours until 3.2 miles, I think I've FINALLY finalized my playlist. I thought I'd post it here for anyone who might be interested. Thanks Katie for all the help!! Here it is!
Rocky Balboa Speech-Sylvestre Stalone 2:06
Beautiful Day-U2 4:08
Unstoppable (Olympics Mix)-Rascal Flatts 3:41
We Weren't Born to Follow-Bon Jovi 4:10
Not Afraid-Eminem 4:11
All In-Lifehouse 3:56
Move Along-The All-American Rejects 3:57
Higher-Creed 5:17
Shook Up The World-Puddle Of Mudd 4:49
Stronger (Radio Edit)-Kanye West 4:13
Real-The Goo Goo Dolls 3:26
Whatever It Takes-Lifehouse 3:27
No Boundaries-Adam Lambert 3:48
Don't Stop Believin'-Journey 4:13
Marchin' On-OneRepublic 4:12
Maybe Tonight, Maybe Tomorrow (LIVESTRONG Song)-Wideawake 4:35
Happy-Leona Lewis 4:02
Insomnia-Faithless 7:16
Party In The USA-Miley Cyrus 3:23
'Til I Collapse-Eminem & Nate Dogg 4:58
Feel Alive-Benassi Bros. 4:48
All These Things I've Don e (Short Version)-The Killers 2:23
The Adventure-Angels & Airwaves 5:12
As of right now, this is it. I hope to be finished after the LIVESTRONG Song. Yes, I planned that perfectly to be 59 minutes not including the Rocky Speech. Don't judge me! :) If not, the last 7 are backup. Hope you like it!! If there's anything that youthink MUST be added, comment!
Official timing is being done by Hi-Tek Racing, so if we get our bib numbers early enough I'll post it here so you can follow me. If not, I'll definitely post a post-race report by Monday!
Any and all prayers and positive vibes you can send this way starting at 9am Saturday would be appreciated! :)
Rocky Balboa Speech-Sylvestre Stalone 2:06
Beautiful Day-U2 4:08
Unstoppable (Olympics Mix)-Rascal Flatts 3:41
We Weren't Born to Follow-Bon Jovi 4:10
Not Afraid-Eminem 4:11
All In-Lifehouse 3:56
Move Along-The All-American Rejects 3:57
Higher-Creed 5:17
Shook Up The World-Puddle Of Mudd 4:49
Stronger (Radio Edit)-Kanye West 4:13
Real-The Goo Goo Dolls 3:26
Whatever It Takes-Lifehouse 3:27
No Boundaries-Adam Lambert 3:48
Don't Stop Believin'-Journey 4:13
Marchin' On-OneRepublic 4:12
Maybe Tonight, Maybe Tomorrow (LIVESTRONG Song)-Wideawake 4:35
Happy-Leona Lewis 4:02
Insomnia-Faithless 7:16
Party In The USA-Miley Cyrus 3:23
'Til I Collapse-Eminem & Nate Dogg 4:58
Feel Alive-Benassi Bros. 4:48
All These Things I've Don e (Short Version)-The Killers 2:23
The Adventure-Angels & Airwaves 5:12
As of right now, this is it. I hope to be finished after the LIVESTRONG Song. Yes, I planned that perfectly to be 59 minutes not including the Rocky Speech. Don't judge me! :) If not, the last 7 are backup. Hope you like it!! If there's anything that youthink MUST be added, comment!
Official timing is being done by Hi-Tek Racing, so if we get our bib numbers early enough I'll post it here so you can follow me. If not, I'll definitely post a post-race report by Monday!
Any and all prayers and positive vibes you can send this way starting at 9am Saturday would be appreciated! :)
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Why Do I?
I may not entirely love being an unemployed college graduate right now, but if there's anything I do love about it, it'd be all this free time I have to think up, and write, more blog posts!! What wisdom do I have to share today you ask? Well, it's not really wisdom at all I don't think. Instead, I thought I'd give my readers a little glimpse into my brain and what makes me tick. Lately, I feel like my life has solidified, more so than ever, around three interests--passions if you want to call them that (I do!).
For the past 20 days, I've been getting up at ungodly hours (okay, maybe not, but they are for a college grad!) to watch the 2010 Tour de France. Now, my first motivation for doing this was to watch Lance Armstrong in his second year of a retirement comeback and his-really now-last official Tour. More on that later though. I've been a follower of the sport for many years now, since Lance Armstrong's original comeback in 1999 after his battle with cancer, and I often get asked if I stopped watching the tour when he retired, or if I'll keep watching now that he'll really be done. My answer is always yes. Cycling is not just a sport that you can check yourself out of when your favorite rider is gone as you might with some other sport. I don't just familiarize myself with the top riders in the peloton (big group on the road), I know them all. I make it a point. I've learned a lot about the tactics of this intense endurance sport, and see the benefits of cycling being both a team and individual sport. Cycling has truly become one of my passions.
It is because of that passion that I took up spinning-indoor cycling-in the summer of 2007. I knew that I probably could not ride a true road bike, for reasons I talked about in this post, but eventually Spinning became my road biking. It became my release of negativity that life can sometimes bring, and my hour of "me time". I cherished, and still do cherish, my ability to spin at least once a week. I know this is not something that not everyone can make the time for and I know that many people with CP or other disabilities might have difficulty doing. I thank God that I was blessed to believe that I could take part in such a class and go out and do it. Thanks to my beginning interests in cycling, spinning is now a passion that I can't live without.
Lately, I've developed an interest in another interesting endurance sport: running. Okay, so maybe I don't exactly run, but still. It all started last October. A friend of mine called me asked me if I wanted to do a 5k with her that Sunday that was going to benefit Camp Care, the free camp for children with special needs, run by Crossroads Physical Therapy which I've talked about here. I could not turn down the opportunity, but 3.2 miles? Continuously? Was I nuts? Yes! Not only was this a continuous 3.2 miles, but it was ALL uphill!! Except for the last .2 miles. Either way though, I walked the entire race and finished it in 2 hours, 11 minutes and 33 seconds! It was the most amazing feeling to cross that finish line on my own and take pride in such an accomplishment. After taking part in that 5k, I realized that you don't need to be running to have the "runner's high". It's simply chasing a dream, feeling on top of the world, and in control. Run or walk. I've done another 5k since-the George Washington Bridge Challenge 5k across the GWB. It was an American Cancer Society event I did with my friend from college who has a cousin diagnosed with Leukemia shortly after birth. He is now 6 and in remission!! Again, it was an amazing experience. I completed that race in 1 hour, 18 minutes, and 12 seconds! I think the major time difference had a lot to do with the GWB being completely flat, but it was also the attitude. I'm doing my next 5k 2 weeks from today. The Hope is Coming 5k to benefit the Smillow Cancer Hospital. My goal is to get my time down to an hour or less (slightly irrational I know). 
It started as an idol, moved into a hobby, and has now transformed into a mantra and a way of life. LIVESTRONG. The one word motto from Lance Armstrong after he launched his foundation to raise money and awareness for cancer research. I've always looked up to Lance for his courage, strength, and overall ability to fight, and beat, the odds. When he launched LIVESTRONG, I just looked up to him that much more. Whether he ever enters the pro-peloton again. Or any sporting event for that matter, he has taught me what it really means to fight, to triumph, to believe in a cause, and to make a change. THAT is why I do this. Because it's not a matter of just living, but living strong. With every pedal stroke and every step I take on a course, I am putting the LIVESTRONG way of life into action.
These three passions are: Cycling and Spinning, Lance Armstrong and his LIVESTRONG campaign, and 5k races.
For the past 20 days, I've been getting up at ungodly hours (okay, maybe not, but they are for a college grad!) to watch the 2010 Tour de France. Now, my first motivation for doing this was to watch Lance Armstrong in his second year of a retirement comeback and his-really now-last official Tour. More on that later though. I've been a follower of the sport for many years now, since Lance Armstrong's original comeback in 1999 after his battle with cancer, and I often get asked if I stopped watching the tour when he retired, or if I'll keep watching now that he'll really be done. My answer is always yes. Cycling is not just a sport that you can check yourself out of when your favorite rider is gone as you might with some other sport. I don't just familiarize myself with the top riders in the peloton (big group on the road), I know them all. I make it a point. I've learned a lot about the tactics of this intense endurance sport, and see the benefits of cycling being both a team and individual sport. Cycling has truly become one of my passions.It is because of that passion that I took up spinning-indoor cycling-in the summer of 2007. I knew that I probably could not ride a true road bike, for reasons I talked about in this post, but eventually Spinning became my road biking. It became my release of negativity that life can sometimes bring, and my hour of "me time". I cherished, and still do cherish, my ability to spin at least once a week. I know this is not something that not everyone can make the time for and I know that many people with CP or other disabilities might have difficulty doing. I thank God that I was blessed to believe that I could take part in such a class and go out and do it. Thanks to my beginning interests in cycling, spinning is now a passion that I can't live without. Lately, I've developed an interest in another interesting endurance sport: running. Okay, so maybe I don't exactly run, but still. It all started last October. A friend of mine called me asked me if I wanted to do a 5k with her that Sunday that was going to benefit Camp Care, the free camp for children with special needs, run by Crossroads Physical Therapy which I've talked about here. I could not turn down the opportunity, but 3.2 miles? Continuously? Was I nuts? Yes! Not only was this a continuous 3.2 miles, but it was ALL uphill!! Except for the last .2 miles. Either way though, I walked the entire race and finished it in 2 hours, 11 minutes and 33 seconds! It was the most amazing feeling to cross that finish line on my own and take pride in such an accomplishment. After taking part in that 5k, I realized that you don't need to be running to have the "runner's high". It's simply chasing a dream, feeling on top of the world, and in control. Run or walk. I've done another 5k since-the George Washington Bridge Challenge 5k across the GWB. It was an American Cancer Society event I did with my friend from college who has a cousin diagnosed with Leukemia shortly after birth. He is now 6 and in remission!! Again, it was an amazing experience. I completed that race in 1 hour, 18 minutes, and 12 seconds! I think the major time difference had a lot to do with the GWB being completely flat, but it was also the attitude. I'm doing my next 5k 2 weeks from today. The Hope is Coming 5k to benefit the Smillow Cancer Hospital. My goal is to get my time down to an hour or less (slightly irrational I know). 
Okay, I've shared two of my passions. By now I probably just sound like a crazed "wannabe athlete". Some of you might even be saying, "But this can't be safe/healthy/whatever you'd like to call it, because you have CP" So, WHY DO I do this?! Well, that's where passion #3, and the strongest passion of all comes in.
It started as an idol, moved into a hobby, and has now transformed into a mantra and a way of life. LIVESTRONG. The one word motto from Lance Armstrong after he launched his foundation to raise money and awareness for cancer research. I've always looked up to Lance for his courage, strength, and overall ability to fight, and beat, the odds. When he launched LIVESTRONG, I just looked up to him that much more. Whether he ever enters the pro-peloton again. Or any sporting event for that matter, he has taught me what it really means to fight, to triumph, to believe in a cause, and to make a change. THAT is why I do this. Because it's not a matter of just living, but living strong. With every pedal stroke and every step I take on a course, I am putting the LIVESTRONG way of life into action.If I ever doubt my abilities, or whether it's safe for "someone with CP" to be doing these things, I look down to my left wrist where my yellow LIVESTRONG wristband sits, and am reminded that this is my life, and I will hold the same attitude I have since I began following Lance Armstrong in 1999.
I know I have a wide variety of readers to this blog, but I encourage you (and your children!) to find your own ways to live the LIVESTRONG way of life. :)
Photo Credits:
Peloton Photo: http://www.photosfan.com/images/2009-tour-de-france1.jpg
Livestrong Photos: Twitter.com/lancearmstrong
Friday, July 16, 2010
Inspiration Friday
For my readers, here at home and in my special needs community, check out this article my friend Katie sent me.
The article is about 8 Year Old Abby who created lemonade stand kits and the slogan "When Life Gives You Lemons, COLOR" in order to raise money for donations to a hospital where her 6 year old brother Cameron, who was diagnosed with CP, attends many for many PT treatments and different procedures.
This little girl is truly inspirational and exemplifies what life is all about...
The article is about 8 Year Old Abby who created lemonade stand kits and the slogan "When Life Gives You Lemons, COLOR" in order to raise money for donations to a hospital where her 6 year old brother Cameron, who was diagnosed with CP, attends many for many PT treatments and different procedures.
This little girl is truly inspirational and exemplifies what life is all about...
Thursday, July 15, 2010
NICU
First of all, this post was inspired by Ellen over at Love That Max. I'm not sure if I've talked about Ellen before, but she's mom to Max, a wonderful 7 year old with CP. She is an amazing mom and all she does for her children definitely shows through her writing! Ellen's blog was the first I followed and I'm simply addicted to it! Check it out and I'm sure you will be too! Her blog really inspired me to put everything out there in each of my posts, because you just never know who might stumble upon it one day. THANK YOU ELLEN! :)
This week is Babies Week on Discovery Health Channel, and they are premiering a new show called NICU following 3 top Neonatal Intensive Care units in the country. This show is pretty exciting for those of us in the special needs community, because it showcases the beginnings of life which so many of us have experience with (preemies, trauma at birth, etc.) I invite you all to read Ellen's post about the NICU experience and the connection we all share before continuing on with my post here, because I can't do it justice...
Did you finish reading yet??
Really, I meant it, go read the post.
Okay, you should be done now! This post really touched me, for the obvious reasons, and because everything that Ellen talked about knowing as a mother of a child with special needs, I can say I have also felt or known growing up with CP. This is what I said in response to Ellen's post. I don't think I could say it this way if I tried it again, so I'm just going to paste it in.
I know that a lot of parents read this blog, so on a post that touches so many of you, I thought maybe I'd share a "child's" perspective...I'm not a parent of a child with special needs. I am a child with special needs. Well, more an adult now, but every one of those things you mentioned that you know as a parent of a child with CP, I can honestly say I know each of those too, having CP. It's obviously very different for a parent than it is for a child. I don't remember a lot of what would have probably been the "tougher" times for my parents, but I do remember my own thoughts of doctors visits, surgeries, etc. They are tough, they effect a child's life, but I'm here to assure you...your child is strong and will make it through each of them as they are meant to.I know what you mean about always feeling that empathy for preemies even though Max was not a preemie. I was a preemie (born at 24 weeks), so I too have that connection. For me, that empathy comes more from seeing my own experiences possibly play out in the life of another child, experiences that I have no recollection of and that I will probably never have the courage to ask my parents honest questions about. Now that I am an adult, that empathetic connection comes in the form of thinking about preemies now, the technology that medicine has to give them such a great shot at high quality of life. And it also comes in the form of thinking about my own children I someday hope to have. Will I have a preemie child myself, will I watch them struggle in some of the same ways I have, or--perhaps even more strongly weighing on my heart--will I be upset and even slightly jealous if my child learns to walk within their first year of life, while I am still trying at age 22, will they surpass their own mom in milestones?I don't know what so many of you face daily as parents of children with special needs, but I do know we are all connected--parent and child alike, and you can bet I'll be DVRing and watching along with all of you in my community tonight!
I hope you all tune in, or DVR the premeire tonight on Discovery Health at 10 PM ET and PT.
Oh, and, Ellen said I should be a guest poster on her blog, which is pretty darn exciting!! :)
This week is Babies Week on Discovery Health Channel, and they are premiering a new show called NICU following 3 top Neonatal Intensive Care units in the country. This show is pretty exciting for those of us in the special needs community, because it showcases the beginnings of life which so many of us have experience with (preemies, trauma at birth, etc.) I invite you all to read Ellen's post about the NICU experience and the connection we all share before continuing on with my post here, because I can't do it justice...
Did you finish reading yet??
Really, I meant it, go read the post.
Okay, you should be done now! This post really touched me, for the obvious reasons, and because everything that Ellen talked about knowing as a mother of a child with special needs, I can say I have also felt or known growing up with CP. This is what I said in response to Ellen's post. I don't think I could say it this way if I tried it again, so I'm just going to paste it in.
I know that a lot of parents read this blog, so on a post that touches so many of you, I thought maybe I'd share a "child's" perspective...I'm not a parent of a child with special needs. I am a child with special needs. Well, more an adult now, but every one of those things you mentioned that you know as a parent of a child with CP, I can honestly say I know each of those too, having CP. It's obviously very different for a parent than it is for a child. I don't remember a lot of what would have probably been the "tougher" times for my parents, but I do remember my own thoughts of doctors visits, surgeries, etc. They are tough, they effect a child's life, but I'm here to assure you...your child is strong and will make it through each of them as they are meant to.I know what you mean about always feeling that empathy for preemies even though Max was not a preemie. I was a preemie (born at 24 weeks), so I too have that connection. For me, that empathy comes more from seeing my own experiences possibly play out in the life of another child, experiences that I have no recollection of and that I will probably never have the courage to ask my parents honest questions about. Now that I am an adult, that empathetic connection comes in the form of thinking about preemies now, the technology that medicine has to give them such a great shot at high quality of life. And it also comes in the form of thinking about my own children I someday hope to have. Will I have a preemie child myself, will I watch them struggle in some of the same ways I have, or--perhaps even more strongly weighing on my heart--will I be upset and even slightly jealous if my child learns to walk within their first year of life, while I am still trying at age 22, will they surpass their own mom in milestones?I don't know what so many of you face daily as parents of children with special needs, but I do know we are all connected--parent and child alike, and you can bet I'll be DVRing and watching along with all of you in my community tonight!
I hope you all tune in, or DVR the premeire tonight on Discovery Health at 10 PM ET and PT.
Oh, and, Ellen said I should be a guest poster on her blog, which is pretty darn exciting!! :)
Friday, May 28, 2010
What If?
Living everyday life, we are all faced with so many moments that can be altered by the flick of a switch; one quick change of plans, one spur of the moment decision, out of fear, out of doubt, out of curiousity. In these moments, we rarely think about the next step. We are only concerned with the here and now. Not that this is a bad thing, but sometimes it can lead us to ask that one loaded question: What If?
Two words. Two little words. That have the ability to impact our lives in so many different levels, both positively and negatively. I try my best to not play the what if game because, quite fankly, it always seems to end negatively for me.
The other day though, I was incredibly bored, so I was looking for quotes as I often do when I'm bored, or upset, or need to lose my thoughts in words for a little bit. After a while, I came across this quote:
"It will cost you nothing to dream, and everything not to."
Many people like to think of dream as a noun-that thing that happens when we're in deep enough sleep. I like to think of it that way too, but there is also another way I like to think of the word dream; as a verb. Dream. An action. Something that we do day in and day out.
This got me thinking. What If? With that, here is a list of things that I would not have accomplished, had I not dreamed:
1. I would not be alive. Period. Okay, so this might be a stretch, but I like to think that with a dream, determination, and a lot of love from God, I was able to overcome being 3 months premature to live the life I do now.
2. I would not have graduated high school. I mean, okay, I might have, but only because my parents required it of me, not because I actually wanted to.
3. I would not have gone to college. See above explanation.
4. I would not have the amazing relationships with so many people that I do now. You may ask what this has to do with dreaming, but it has everything to do with dreaming. As little girls, we think about friends. They may start as imaginary, but thanks to our dreaming, we put ourselves out there and establish strong relationships.
5. I would not have taken a spinning class. This is big. I have always dreamed of riding a bike, but due to my poor balance issues, have never had the opportunity. Spinning is the extention of this dream. It started out difficult, with cuts and fatigue, but I was not going to let this dream pass me by.
6. I would not have graduated college, and would not have done so with the use of my crutches. I blogged about this is my previous post, but that was something that, again so many people doubted was possible, but I kept dreaming.
And lastly, 7. I would not be writing this blog post. I continue to dream. Every minute of every day. For myself. For my family. For everyone in the world.
What about you? What If you hadn't dreamed? Where would you be?
Two words. Two little words. That have the ability to impact our lives in so many different levels, both positively and negatively. I try my best to not play the what if game because, quite fankly, it always seems to end negatively for me.
The other day though, I was incredibly bored, so I was looking for quotes as I often do when I'm bored, or upset, or need to lose my thoughts in words for a little bit. After a while, I came across this quote:
"It will cost you nothing to dream, and everything not to."
Many people like to think of dream as a noun-that thing that happens when we're in deep enough sleep. I like to think of it that way too, but there is also another way I like to think of the word dream; as a verb. Dream. An action. Something that we do day in and day out.
This got me thinking. What If? With that, here is a list of things that I would not have accomplished, had I not dreamed:
1. I would not be alive. Period. Okay, so this might be a stretch, but I like to think that with a dream, determination, and a lot of love from God, I was able to overcome being 3 months premature to live the life I do now.
2. I would not have graduated high school. I mean, okay, I might have, but only because my parents required it of me, not because I actually wanted to.
3. I would not have gone to college. See above explanation.
4. I would not have the amazing relationships with so many people that I do now. You may ask what this has to do with dreaming, but it has everything to do with dreaming. As little girls, we think about friends. They may start as imaginary, but thanks to our dreaming, we put ourselves out there and establish strong relationships.
5. I would not have taken a spinning class. This is big. I have always dreamed of riding a bike, but due to my poor balance issues, have never had the opportunity. Spinning is the extention of this dream. It started out difficult, with cuts and fatigue, but I was not going to let this dream pass me by.
6. I would not have graduated college, and would not have done so with the use of my crutches. I blogged about this is my previous post, but that was something that, again so many people doubted was possible, but I kept dreaming.
And lastly, 7. I would not be writing this blog post. I continue to dream. Every minute of every day. For myself. For my family. For everyone in the world.
What about you? What If you hadn't dreamed? Where would you be?
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Intelligence: it's not just academic...
Today is Blogging Against Disablism Day 2010. For those of you who follow my blog that may not know what this day is, or what disablism is (mainly, well, all of you!):
BADD is a day where those of us who have disabilities or have family members with disabilities come together to blog about our situations and some of the different issues we have faced regarding Disablism. Disablism is really any topic having to do with disability discrimnation, or treating children and adults with disabilities different in a positive or negative matter because of their disability.
Having had Cerebral Palsy since birth, I've obviously grown up with situations that weren't always ideal in regards to my disability. There were some instances when I could not partake in certain activities that my peers were taking part in or when I had to take more time to do certain things that might have come easily to others. However, despite all these difficulties and obstacles, my life up through this very day has been nothing short of amazing. Thanks to so many wonder family, friends, and therapists I have gotten to do so many wonderful things with my life...including attend an amazing university (from which I will be graduating in 15 days. AHHH!!) The education I've recieived has greatly impacted so many areas of my life, and has expanded my intelligence.
There is a different kind of intelligence that I'd like to talk about though. Some call it common sense, some call it generousity. Me? I call it LIFE intelligence.
There have been so many times in my life when I've come into contact with individual who don't only think I'm not intelligent, but act unintelligent themselves. This intelligence is simple. It comes in the form of holding a door open for a person with crutches, or hanging back with one of your friends because you know they aren't quite speedy, while everyone gets to where they want to go at top speed, afraid of missing 5 minutes of life. This intelligence is not telling someone they cannot do something, but showing them a way to do it that they may nto be aware of. It's telling a friend you are offering up your dance practices for them because you know dance is the one thing they love so much, but will probably never do.
I have been so blessed to meet many people who have developed this intelligence. Unfortunately though, I have also met many people who have not even the slightest idea that this type of intelligence even exists.
Tonight, 2 minutes before BADD 2010 comes to a close, I leave you with a question: Which type of person have you been to those with diabilities you have met?
BADD is a day where those of us who have disabilities or have family members with disabilities come together to blog about our situations and some of the different issues we have faced regarding Disablism. Disablism is really any topic having to do with disability discrimnation, or treating children and adults with disabilities different in a positive or negative matter because of their disability.
Having had Cerebral Palsy since birth, I've obviously grown up with situations that weren't always ideal in regards to my disability. There were some instances when I could not partake in certain activities that my peers were taking part in or when I had to take more time to do certain things that might have come easily to others. However, despite all these difficulties and obstacles, my life up through this very day has been nothing short of amazing. Thanks to so many wonder family, friends, and therapists I have gotten to do so many wonderful things with my life...including attend an amazing university (from which I will be graduating in 15 days. AHHH!!) The education I've recieived has greatly impacted so many areas of my life, and has expanded my intelligence.
There is a different kind of intelligence that I'd like to talk about though. Some call it common sense, some call it generousity. Me? I call it LIFE intelligence.
There have been so many times in my life when I've come into contact with individual who don't only think I'm not intelligent, but act unintelligent themselves. This intelligence is simple. It comes in the form of holding a door open for a person with crutches, or hanging back with one of your friends because you know they aren't quite speedy, while everyone gets to where they want to go at top speed, afraid of missing 5 minutes of life. This intelligence is not telling someone they cannot do something, but showing them a way to do it that they may nto be aware of. It's telling a friend you are offering up your dance practices for them because you know dance is the one thing they love so much, but will probably never do.
I have been so blessed to meet many people who have developed this intelligence. Unfortunately though, I have also met many people who have not even the slightest idea that this type of intelligence even exists.
Tonight, 2 minutes before BADD 2010 comes to a close, I leave you with a question: Which type of person have you been to those with diabilities you have met?
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Just Believe
NOTE: The original date this post was started was April 17, 2010...
Today I was sitting down with a friend talking about, and stressing about, this goal that I have that I've mentioned before of walking by myself across the graduation stage. As of yesterday I had one month until that day. It's been love-hate with me and this topic and well, lately it's been hate. Not that I don't want to or that I've given up, it's just been a struggle. A struggle of faith, a struggle of strength, and more than anything a struggle of mental stability.
Do you ever want something so badly that it consumes you? So badly that it becomes you? That's me.
Over the past few months, while other things in my life have been hanging by the wayside and some barely hanging on, this has flourished. It's become stronger and stronger. I've broken through the fear (mostly) and I've broken through my need to keep it a secret. It has been an amazing feeling to wake up and know that I can step out on my own, even if only for a step or two before the ground below me feel like it's shaking...a feeling that I'm sure most of you reading this take advantage of without even meaning to. It's been even more amazing to do this and to call my mom and say, "Hey, this is what I did just now", something I haven't been able to do for years, out of my own fear of letting people in and watching all I've worked for fade away.
UPDATE: Well, graduation was a week ago yesterday, and I did not walk across the stage 100% independently. I used my crutches and, although not the orginal plan, I was so incredibly happy that I did so! It showed that I was able to take on this event on my own and show how far I have come, not using my walker.
Even though the plan changed, the title of this post and the premise of writing it remains the same. JUST BELIEVE. When I sat and talked with this friend he asked me a simple question. "Do you believe it can happen." For the first time in a very long time I answered "Yes" and look where it's gottwn me. I've been using my crutches completely 100% of the time to get around since April 23, 2010.
It doesn't matter what it is, just believe. It doesn't matter if no one else believes with you, just believe.
Today I was sitting down with a friend talking about, and stressing about, this goal that I have that I've mentioned before of walking by myself across the graduation stage. As of yesterday I had one month until that day. It's been love-hate with me and this topic and well, lately it's been hate. Not that I don't want to or that I've given up, it's just been a struggle. A struggle of faith, a struggle of strength, and more than anything a struggle of mental stability.
Do you ever want something so badly that it consumes you? So badly that it becomes you? That's me.
Over the past few months, while other things in my life have been hanging by the wayside and some barely hanging on, this has flourished. It's become stronger and stronger. I've broken through the fear (mostly) and I've broken through my need to keep it a secret. It has been an amazing feeling to wake up and know that I can step out on my own, even if only for a step or two before the ground below me feel like it's shaking...a feeling that I'm sure most of you reading this take advantage of without even meaning to. It's been even more amazing to do this and to call my mom and say, "Hey, this is what I did just now", something I haven't been able to do for years, out of my own fear of letting people in and watching all I've worked for fade away.
UPDATE: Well, graduation was a week ago yesterday, and I did not walk across the stage 100% independently. I used my crutches and, although not the orginal plan, I was so incredibly happy that I did so! It showed that I was able to take on this event on my own and show how far I have come, not using my walker.
Even though the plan changed, the title of this post and the premise of writing it remains the same. JUST BELIEVE. When I sat and talked with this friend he asked me a simple question. "Do you believe it can happen." For the first time in a very long time I answered "Yes" and look where it's gottwn me. I've been using my crutches completely 100% of the time to get around since April 23, 2010.
It doesn't matter what it is, just believe. It doesn't matter if no one else believes with you, just believe.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
The Right Recipe?
I can't sleep and at 2am, when I can't sleep, I blog. I don't really know what's on my mind right now or, actually, what's not on my mind right now. It seems like lately I can't pause long enough to even keep track.
I had a Crossroads appointment on Thursday and I definitely needed it. My PT was Matt, who I love, but who hasn't treated me since Camp in August (before I was even an official client), so I was a little nervous. I've been having different PTs lately because I needed an longer appointment after the car accident which put me on someone else's schedule. It was a really interesting session. Like most sessions, I'm not really sure what he was working on. I think something to do with my hips and spine alignment. That must be it because both of those areas are still sore. After he got done working there though, we were just talking as he was doing some other things and Matt asked me if I've noticed any differences since I've started coming for treatment on a regular basis. I told him of course I did, but that I couldn't really explain how just that I knew I felt better--my body felt better. Matt said he had to ask because he noticed some big differences since the last time he treated me. First off, he told me that my body was much more relaxed, and had an easier time relaxing, than it originally did. He also said that there was much less muscle tone throughout my body. This is actually a good thing and very good for someone with my form of Cerebral Palsy. High muscle tone is what makes it most difficult for your body to carry out the messages it actually receives from your brain because it is too tense or being hyper vigilant in a way. For there to be less muscle tone means that there's improvements happening in my Central Nervous System, which will help to improve the more noticeable physical changes you might expect. I don't know if that made any sense, it's 2am, but I hope it did! Lastly, he told me that he remembers having to help me lift my legs up to lay down on the treatment table in August. Something that I do on my own without even thinking about it now.
I wasn't expecting to hear any of these improvements, but I'm elated that I did! I needed to hear them. The last thing Matt said to me was, "I'm not sure what you've been doing, but keep doing it, because you seem to have found the right recipe." That's the funny part. I have no idea what I've been doing. On the physical side, it hasn't seemed like I've been doing much of anything, except for the past week or so I've gotten back to stretching nightly and trying to walk without holding on to something a little everyday. Maybe that's what he means. I'm not sure. That is definitely something I'm proud of though because I feel like it is the strongest act of commitment I've displayed in a few months and even in the week that I've been doing it, it hasn't felt like I chore and I haven't pressured myself by keeping track of each move I make. I've just made the attempt each day and, quite honestly, enjoyed the challenge and accomplishment.
My path over the past month or so has been quite unknown. I've gone from fully believing this dream was possible, to doubting everything about it, even the ground I'm standing on. I've had trust strengthened and trust shattered all within the same day--both of myself and some around me. That's why hearing of those improvements came at such an important time. I guess it just has to do with the fact that we spend every moment of every day in this skin with ourselves, so it's difficult to see the changes that could be occurring. I'm just glad to know they are. And proud of myself too even!
I think that's all I have for tonight, even though there is plenty more floating around in my head. Hopefully that was enough to send me to sleep.
I had a Crossroads appointment on Thursday and I definitely needed it. My PT was Matt, who I love, but who hasn't treated me since Camp in August (before I was even an official client), so I was a little nervous. I've been having different PTs lately because I needed an longer appointment after the car accident which put me on someone else's schedule. It was a really interesting session. Like most sessions, I'm not really sure what he was working on. I think something to do with my hips and spine alignment. That must be it because both of those areas are still sore. After he got done working there though, we were just talking as he was doing some other things and Matt asked me if I've noticed any differences since I've started coming for treatment on a regular basis. I told him of course I did, but that I couldn't really explain how just that I knew I felt better--my body felt better. Matt said he had to ask because he noticed some big differences since the last time he treated me. First off, he told me that my body was much more relaxed, and had an easier time relaxing, than it originally did. He also said that there was much less muscle tone throughout my body. This is actually a good thing and very good for someone with my form of Cerebral Palsy. High muscle tone is what makes it most difficult for your body to carry out the messages it actually receives from your brain because it is too tense or being hyper vigilant in a way. For there to be less muscle tone means that there's improvements happening in my Central Nervous System, which will help to improve the more noticeable physical changes you might expect. I don't know if that made any sense, it's 2am, but I hope it did! Lastly, he told me that he remembers having to help me lift my legs up to lay down on the treatment table in August. Something that I do on my own without even thinking about it now.
I wasn't expecting to hear any of these improvements, but I'm elated that I did! I needed to hear them. The last thing Matt said to me was, "I'm not sure what you've been doing, but keep doing it, because you seem to have found the right recipe." That's the funny part. I have no idea what I've been doing. On the physical side, it hasn't seemed like I've been doing much of anything, except for the past week or so I've gotten back to stretching nightly and trying to walk without holding on to something a little everyday. Maybe that's what he means. I'm not sure. That is definitely something I'm proud of though because I feel like it is the strongest act of commitment I've displayed in a few months and even in the week that I've been doing it, it hasn't felt like I chore and I haven't pressured myself by keeping track of each move I make. I've just made the attempt each day and, quite honestly, enjoyed the challenge and accomplishment.
My path over the past month or so has been quite unknown. I've gone from fully believing this dream was possible, to doubting everything about it, even the ground I'm standing on. I've had trust strengthened and trust shattered all within the same day--both of myself and some around me. That's why hearing of those improvements came at such an important time. I guess it just has to do with the fact that we spend every moment of every day in this skin with ourselves, so it's difficult to see the changes that could be occurring. I'm just glad to know they are. And proud of myself too even!
I think that's all I have for tonight, even though there is plenty more floating around in my head. Hopefully that was enough to send me to sleep.
Monday, January 4, 2010
New Year, New You?
Happy New Year! Here we go again with the ramblings of Molly.
This year was the first New Year's Eve that I've spent away from my family, away from the busy and over crowded restaurant my parent's own, and away from, well, anything familiar and comfortable. Instead, I stood still in a sea of people at Disney's Hollywood Studios with two of my best friends and a drink in hand. And as I stood there watching the most spectacular fireworks display I've ever seen, I was at peace. I stood and reflected on 2009 as I always do, but for the first time in many years I wasn't fast forwarding and planning out the future of 2010. As I dialed back in to everything around me and listened to the DJ music in the background, it was not Auld Lange Syne that was playing (which is fabulous because I've never really liked that song). First the DJ played Let It Be by The Beatles, then Dream On by Aerosmith. Yes, this was ridiculously ironic, but I just laughed to myself and enjoyed the first new moments of 2010 unfolding before me.
Ever since I was little, I've been the girl with the big dreams, and New Year's Resolutions were no exception. Well all my friends thought cleaning their room every week was a good choice, I chose things like staying on top on my exercise program that I've had to deal with all my life. I didn't believe in small goals, or small dreams for that matter. Life didn't stop just because the calendar year changed over. Even knowing this I continued to make lengthy resolutions (last year's four being two pages long) and continued to not follow through on them. I would get extremely annoyed with myself looking at this as quitting or becoming lazy because I didn't want to do the work. While that was sometimes, unfortunately, the case, this New Year's Eve taught me something more.
I wasn't quitting or becoming lazy, but I was doing something with no purpose, no reason, no drive. Life doesn't stop just because the calendar year has changed over. It never will. So what I learned this year was this: everything you want to do, you should want to do year round. If you don't, change it. Getting stuck in a pattern of dread it pointless. I learned that I need to let things be and continue to dream regardless of what I may encounter in trying to achieve those dreams. And lastly, I've learned that it's not New Year, New You. It's about being who you are and matching that up with who you want to be. You don't have to change everything, or anything for that matter, for that to happen.
So, what's my New Year's Resolution this year? Well, I don't believe in them anymore. I believe you should always have goals and coming up with them on January 1st makes them no more special. I believe in giving yourself second, third, and fourth--an infinite number of chances--so that is what I entend to do.
This year and everyday for the rest of my life, it is my goal to just be. It is my goal to live life and do all that I can, without fear.
You should try it! :)
This year was the first New Year's Eve that I've spent away from my family, away from the busy and over crowded restaurant my parent's own, and away from, well, anything familiar and comfortable. Instead, I stood still in a sea of people at Disney's Hollywood Studios with two of my best friends and a drink in hand. And as I stood there watching the most spectacular fireworks display I've ever seen, I was at peace. I stood and reflected on 2009 as I always do, but for the first time in many years I wasn't fast forwarding and planning out the future of 2010. As I dialed back in to everything around me and listened to the DJ music in the background, it was not Auld Lange Syne that was playing (which is fabulous because I've never really liked that song). First the DJ played Let It Be by The Beatles, then Dream On by Aerosmith. Yes, this was ridiculously ironic, but I just laughed to myself and enjoyed the first new moments of 2010 unfolding before me.
Ever since I was little, I've been the girl with the big dreams, and New Year's Resolutions were no exception. Well all my friends thought cleaning their room every week was a good choice, I chose things like staying on top on my exercise program that I've had to deal with all my life. I didn't believe in small goals, or small dreams for that matter. Life didn't stop just because the calendar year changed over. Even knowing this I continued to make lengthy resolutions (last year's four being two pages long) and continued to not follow through on them. I would get extremely annoyed with myself looking at this as quitting or becoming lazy because I didn't want to do the work. While that was sometimes, unfortunately, the case, this New Year's Eve taught me something more.
I wasn't quitting or becoming lazy, but I was doing something with no purpose, no reason, no drive. Life doesn't stop just because the calendar year has changed over. It never will. So what I learned this year was this: everything you want to do, you should want to do year round. If you don't, change it. Getting stuck in a pattern of dread it pointless. I learned that I need to let things be and continue to dream regardless of what I may encounter in trying to achieve those dreams. And lastly, I've learned that it's not New Year, New You. It's about being who you are and matching that up with who you want to be. You don't have to change everything, or anything for that matter, for that to happen.
So, what's my New Year's Resolution this year? Well, I don't believe in them anymore. I believe you should always have goals and coming up with them on January 1st makes them no more special. I believe in giving yourself second, third, and fourth--an infinite number of chances--so that is what I entend to do.
This year and everyday for the rest of my life, it is my goal to just be. It is my goal to live life and do all that I can, without fear.
You should try it! :)
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