Why Do I?

I may not entirely love being an unemployed college graduate right now, but if there's anything I do love about it, it'd be all this free time I have to think up, and write, more blog posts!! What wisdom do I have to share today you ask? Well, it's not really wisdom at all I don't think. Instead, I thought I'd give my readers a little glimpse into my brain and what makes me tick. Lately, I feel like my life has solidified, more so than ever, around three interests--passions if you want to call them that (I do!).

These three passions are: Cycling and Spinning, Lance Armstrong and his LIVESTRONG campaign, and 5k races.

For the past 20 days, I've been getting up at ungodly hours (okay, maybe not, but they are for a college grad!) to watch the 2010 Tour de France. Now, my first motivation for doing this was to watch Lance Armstrong in his second year of a retirement comeback and his-really now-last official Tour. More on that later though. I've been a follower of the sport for many years now, since Lance Armstrong's original comeback in 1999 after his battle with cancer, and I often get asked if I stopped watching the tour when he retired, or if I'll keep watching now that he'll really be done. My answer is always yes. Cycling is not just a sport that you can check yourself out of when your favorite rider is gone as you might with some other sport. I don't just familiarize myself with the top riders in the peloton (big group on the road), I know them all. I make it a point. I've learned a lot about the tactics of this intense endurance sport, and see the benefits of cycling being both a team and individual sport. Cycling has truly become one of my passions.

It is because of that passion that I took up spinning-indoor cycling-in the summer of 2007. I knew that I probably could not ride a true road bike, for reasons I talked about in this post, but eventually Spinning became my road biking. It became my release of negativity that life can sometimes bring, and my hour of "me time". I cherished, and still do cherish, my ability to spin at least once a week. I know this is not something that not everyone can make the time for and I know that many people with CP or other disabilities might have difficulty doing. I thank God that I was blessed to believe that I could take part in such a class and go out and do it. Thanks to my beginning interests in cycling, spinning is now a passion that I can't live without.

Lately, I've developed an interest in another interesting endurance sport: running. Okay, so maybe I don't exactly run, but still. It all started last October. A friend of mine called me asked me if I wanted to do a 5k with her that Sunday that was going to benefit Camp Care, the free camp for children with special needs, run by Crossroads Physical Therapy which I've talked about here. I could not turn down the opportunity, but 3.2 miles? Continuously? Was I nuts? Yes! Not only was this a continuous 3.2 miles, but it was ALL uphill!! Except for the last .2 miles. Either way though, I walked the entire race and finished it in 2 hours, 11 minutes and 33 seconds! It was the most amazing feeling to cross that finish line on my own and take pride in such an accomplishment. After taking part in that 5k, I realized that you don't need to be running to have the "runner's high". It's simply chasing a dream, feeling on top of the world, and in control. Run or walk. I've done another 5k since-the George Washington Bridge Challenge 5k across the GWB. It was an American Cancer Society event I did with my friend from college who has a cousin diagnosed with Leukemia shortly after birth. He is now 6 and in remission!! Again, it was an amazing experience. I completed that race in 1 hour, 18 minutes, and 12 seconds! I think the major time difference had a lot to do with the GWB being completely flat, but it was also the attitude. I'm doing my next 5k 2 weeks from today. The Hope is Coming 5k to benefit the Smillow Cancer Hospital. My goal is to get my time down to an hour or less (slightly irrational I know).

Okay, I've shared two of my passions. By now I probably just sound like a crazed "wannabe athlete". Some of you might even be saying, "But this can't be safe/healthy/whatever you'd like to call it, because you have CP" So, WHY DO I do this?! Well, that's where passion #3, and the strongest passion of all comes in.

It started as an idol, moved into a hobby, and has now transformed into a mantra and a way of life. LIVESTRONG. The one word motto from Lance Armstrong after he launched his foundation to raise money and awareness for cancer research. I've always looked up to Lance for his courage, strength, and overall ability to fight, and beat, the odds. When he launched LIVESTRONG, I just looked up to him that much more. Whether he ever enters the pro-peloton again. Or any sporting event for that matter, he has taught me what it really means to fight, to triumph, to believe in a cause, and to make a change. THAT is why I do this. Because it's not a matter of just living, but living strong. With every pedal stroke and every step I take on a course, I am putting the LIVESTRONG way of life into action.

If I ever doubt my abilities, or whether it's safe for "someone with CP" to be doing these things, I look down to my left wrist where my yellow LIVESTRONG wristband sits, and am reminded that this is my life, and I will hold the same attitude I have since I began following Lance Armstrong in 1999.

I know I have a wide variety of readers to this blog, but I encourage you (and your children!) to find your own ways to live the LIVESTRONG way of life. :)

Photo Credits:

Peloton Photo: http://www.photosfan.com/images/2009-tour-de-france1.jpg

Livestrong Photos: Twitter.com/lancearmstrong

Inspiration Friday

For my readers, here at home and in my special needs community, check out this article my friend Katie sent me.

The article is about 8 Year Old Abby who created lemonade stand kits and the slogan "When Life Gives You Lemons, COLOR" in order to raise money for donations to a hospital where her 6 year old brother Cameron, who was diagnosed with CP, attends many for many PT treatments and different procedures.

This little girl is truly inspirational and exemplifies what life is all about...

NICU

First of all, this post was inspired by Ellen over at Love That Max. I'm not sure if I've talked about Ellen before, but she's mom to Max, a wonderful 7 year old with CP. She is an amazing mom and all she does for her children definitely shows through her writing! Ellen's blog was the first I followed and I'm simply addicted to it! Check it out and I'm sure you will be too! Her blog really inspired me to put everything out there in each of my posts, because you just never know who might stumble upon it one day. THANK YOU ELLEN! :)

This week is Babies Week on Discovery Health Channel, and they are premiering a new show called NICU following 3 top Neonatal Intensive Care units in the country. This show is pretty exciting for those of us in the special needs community, because it showcases the beginnings of life which so many of us have experience with (preemies, trauma at birth, etc.) I invite you all to read Ellen's post about the NICU experience and the connection we all share before continuing on with my post here, because I can't do it justice...





Did you finish reading yet??





Really, I meant it, go read the post.





Okay, you should be done now! This post really touched me, for the obvious reasons, and because everything that Ellen talked about knowing as a mother of a child with special needs, I can say I have also felt or known growing up with CP. This is what I said in response to Ellen's post. I don't think I could say it this way if I tried it again, so I'm just going to paste it in.

I know that a lot of parents read this blog, so on a post that touches so many of you, I thought maybe I'd share a "child's" perspective...I'm not a parent of a child with special needs. I am a child with special needs. Well, more an adult now, but every one of those things you mentioned that you know as a parent of a child with CP, I can honestly say I know each of those too, having CP. It's obviously very different for a parent than it is for a child. I don't remember a lot of what would have probably been the "tougher" times for my parents, but I do remember my own thoughts of doctors visits, surgeries, etc. They are tough, they effect a child's life, but I'm here to assure you...your child is strong and will make it through each of them as they are meant to.I know what you mean about always feeling that empathy for preemies even though Max was not a preemie. I was a preemie (born at 24 weeks), so I too have that connection. For me, that empathy comes more from seeing my own experiences possibly play out in the life of another child, experiences that I have no recollection of and that I will probably never have the courage to ask my parents honest questions about. Now that I am an adult, that empathetic connection comes in the form of thinking about preemies now, the technology that medicine has to give them such a great shot at high quality of life. And it also comes in the form of thinking about my own children I someday hope to have. Will I have a preemie child myself, will I watch them struggle in some of the same ways I have, or--perhaps even more strongly weighing on my heart--will I be upset and even slightly jealous if my child learns to walk within their first year of life, while I am still trying at age 22, will they surpass their own mom in milestones?I don't know what so many of you face daily as parents of children with special needs, but I do know we are all connected--parent and child alike, and you can bet I'll be DVRing and watching along with all of you in my community tonight!

I hope you all tune in, or DVR the premeire tonight on Discovery Health at 10 PM ET and PT.
Oh, and, Ellen said I should be a guest poster on her blog, which is pretty darn exciting!! :)

What If?

Living everyday life, we are all faced with so many moments that can be altered by the flick of a switch; one quick change of plans, one spur of the moment decision, out of fear, out of doubt, out of curiousity. In these moments, we rarely think about the next step. We are only concerned with the here and now. Not that this is a bad thing, but sometimes it can lead us to ask that one loaded question: What If?

Two words. Two little words. That have the ability to impact our lives in so many different levels, both positively and negatively. I try my best to not play the what if game because, quite fankly, it always seems to end negatively for me.

The other day though, I was incredibly bored, so I was looking for quotes as I often do when I'm bored, or upset, or need to lose my thoughts in words for a little bit. After a while, I came across this quote:
"It will cost you nothing to dream, and everything not to."

Many people like to think of dream as a noun-that thing that happens when we're in deep enough sleep. I like to think of it that way too, but there is also another way I like to think of the word dream; as a verb. Dream. An action. Something that we do day in and day out.

This got me thinking. What If? With that, here is a list of things that I would not have accomplished, had I not dreamed:

1. I would not be alive. Period. Okay, so this might be a stretch, but I like to think that with a dream, determination, and a lot of love from God, I was able to overcome being 3 months premature to live the life I do now.
2. I would not have graduated high school. I mean, okay, I might have, but only because my parents required it of me, not because I actually wanted to.
3. I would not have gone to college. See above explanation.
4. I would not have the amazing relationships with so many people that I do now. You may ask what this has to do with dreaming, but it has everything to do with dreaming. As little girls, we think about friends. They may start as imaginary, but thanks to our dreaming, we put ourselves out there and establish strong relationships.
5. I would not have taken a spinning class. This is big. I have always dreamed of riding a bike, but due to my poor balance issues, have never had the opportunity. Spinning is the extention of this dream. It started out difficult, with cuts and fatigue, but I was not going to let this dream pass me by.
6. I would not have graduated college, and would not have done so with the use of my crutches. I blogged about this is my previous post, but that was something that, again so many people doubted was possible, but I kept dreaming.
And lastly, 7. I would not be writing this blog post. I continue to dream. Every minute of every day. For myself. For my family. For everyone in the world.

What about you? What If you hadn't dreamed? Where would you be?

Intelligence: it's not just academic...

Today is Blogging Against Disablism Day 2010. For those of you who follow my blog that may not know what this day is, or what disablism is (mainly, well, all of you!):

BADD is a day where those of us who have disabilities or have family members with disabilities come together to blog about our situations and some of the different issues we have faced regarding Disablism. Disablism is really any topic having to do with disability discrimnation, or treating children and adults with disabilities different in a positive or negative matter because of their disability.

Having had Cerebral Palsy since birth, I've obviously grown up with situations that weren't always ideal in regards to my disability. There were some instances when I could not partake in certain activities that my peers were taking part in or when I had to take more time to do certain things that might have come easily to others. However, despite all these difficulties and obstacles, my life up through this very day has been nothing short of amazing. Thanks to so many wonder family, friends, and therapists I have gotten to do so many wonderful things with my life...including attend an amazing university (from which I will be graduating in 15 days. AHHH!!) The education I've recieived has greatly impacted so many areas of my life, and has expanded my intelligence.

There is a different kind of intelligence that I'd like to talk about though. Some call it common sense, some call it generousity. Me? I call it LIFE intelligence.

There have been so many times in my life when I've come into contact with individual who don't only think I'm not intelligent, but act unintelligent themselves. This intelligence is simple. It comes in the form of holding a door open for a person with crutches, or hanging back with one of your friends because you know they aren't quite speedy, while everyone gets to where they want to go at top speed, afraid of missing 5 minutes of life. This intelligence is not telling someone they cannot do something, but showing them a way to do it that they may nto be aware of. It's telling a friend you are offering up your dance practices for them because you know dance is the one thing they love so much, but will probably never do.

I have been so blessed to meet many people who have developed this intelligence. Unfortunately though, I have also met many people who have not even the slightest idea that this type of intelligence even exists.

Tonight, 2 minutes before BADD 2010 comes to a close, I leave you with a question: Which type of person have you been to those with diabilities you have met?

Just Believe

NOTE: The original date this post was started was April 17, 2010...

Today I was sitting down with a friend talking about, and stressing about, this goal that I have that I've mentioned before of walking by myself across the graduation stage. As of yesterday I had one month until that day. It's been love-hate with me and this topic and well, lately it's been hate. Not that I don't want to or that I've given up, it's just been a struggle. A struggle of faith, a struggle of strength, and more than anything a struggle of mental stability.



Do you ever want something so badly that it consumes you? So badly that it becomes you? That's me.



Over the past few months, while other things in my life have been hanging by the wayside and some barely hanging on, this has flourished. It's become stronger and stronger. I've broken through the fear (mostly) and I've broken through my need to keep it a secret. It has been an amazing feeling to wake up and know that I can step out on my own, even if only for a step or two before the ground below me feel like it's shaking...a feeling that I'm sure most of you reading this take advantage of without even meaning to. It's been even more amazing to do this and to call my mom and say, "Hey, this is what I did just now", something I haven't been able to do for years, out of my own fear of letting people in and watching all I've worked for fade away.

UPDATE: Well, graduation was a week ago yesterday, and I did not walk across the stage 100% independently. I used my crutches and, although not the orginal plan, I was so incredibly happy that I did so! It showed that I was able to take on this event on my own and show how far I have come, not using my walker.

Even though the plan changed, the title of this post and the premise of writing it remains the same. JUST BELIEVE. When I sat and talked with this friend he asked me a simple question. "Do you believe it can happen." For the first time in a very long time I answered "Yes" and look where it's gottwn me. I've been using my crutches completely 100% of the time to get around since April 23, 2010.

It doesn't matter what it is, just believe. It doesn't matter if no one else believes with you, just believe.

The Right Recipe?

I can't sleep and at 2am, when I can't sleep, I blog. I don't really know what's on my mind right now or, actually, what's not on my mind right now. It seems like lately I can't pause long enough to even keep track.

I had a Crossroads appointment on Thursday and I definitely needed it. My PT was Matt, who I love, but who hasn't treated me since Camp in August (before I was even an official client), so I was a little nervous. I've been having different PTs lately because I needed an longer appointment after the car accident which put me on someone else's schedule. It was a really interesting session. Like most sessions, I'm not really sure what he was working on. I think something to do with my hips and spine alignment. That must be it because both of those areas are still sore. After he got done working there though, we were just talking as he was doing some other things and Matt asked me if I've noticed any differences since I've started coming for treatment on a regular basis. I told him of course I did, but that I couldn't really explain how just that I knew I felt better--my body felt better. Matt said he had to ask because he noticed some big differences since the last time he treated me. First off, he told me that my body was much more relaxed, and had an easier time relaxing, than it originally did. He also said that there was much less muscle tone throughout my body. This is actually a good thing and very good for someone with my form of Cerebral Palsy. High muscle tone is what makes it most difficult for your body to carry out the messages it actually receives from your brain because it is too tense or being hyper vigilant in a way. For there to be less muscle tone means that there's improvements happening in my Central Nervous System, which will help to improve the more noticeable physical changes you might expect. I don't know if that made any sense, it's 2am, but I hope it did! Lastly, he told me that he remembers having to help me lift my legs up to lay down on the treatment table in August. Something that I do on my own without even thinking about it now.

I wasn't expecting to hear any of these improvements, but I'm elated that I did! I needed to hear them. The last thing Matt said to me was, "I'm not sure what you've been doing, but keep doing it, because you seem to have found the right recipe." That's the funny part. I have no idea what I've been doing. On the physical side, it hasn't seemed like I've been doing much of anything, except for the past week or so I've gotten back to stretching nightly and trying to walk without holding on to something a little everyday. Maybe that's what he means. I'm not sure. That is definitely something I'm proud of though because I feel like it is the strongest act of commitment I've displayed in a few months and even in the week that I've been doing it, it hasn't felt like I chore and I haven't pressured myself by keeping track of each move I make. I've just made the attempt each day and, quite honestly, enjoyed the challenge and accomplishment.

My path over the past month or so has been quite unknown. I've gone from fully believing this dream was possible, to doubting everything about it, even the ground I'm standing on. I've had trust strengthened and trust shattered all within the same day--both of myself and some around me. That's why hearing of those improvements came at such an important time. I guess it just has to do with the fact that we spend every moment of every day in this skin with ourselves, so it's difficult to see the changes that could be occurring. I'm just glad to know they are. And proud of myself too even!

I think that's all I have for tonight, even though there is plenty more floating around in my head. Hopefully that was enough to send me to sleep.